


promise

by trembleseos



Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: Grief/Mourning, M/M, Mentioned Qian Kun, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Promises, Xiaodery, hendery centric, promise rings, their pets are mentioned, xiaojun was ill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:00:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26399068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trembleseos/pseuds/trembleseos
Summary: hendery visits xiaojun.
Relationships: Wong Kun Hang | Hendery/Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun
Comments: 7
Kudos: 33





	promise

**Author's Note:**

> you may want to listen to butterfly by bts when reading this? it went well when i was writing this

"it's been a while since you left but yet i visit you often. i miss you, a lot. bella, leon, louis? they also miss you a lot, i can't tell who's doing much more better though, them or i. it sucks. but don't worry though, they're healthy as ever, a relief. i still remember how you would nag at me for not keeping an eye on them but ever since you left, i've been paying much more closer attention to them. you taught me a lot, maybe even more than school. you taught me how to love." hendery felt tears forming, his vision blurring by the minute.

"you taught me so much well... why did you have to leave? i know it's not your fault but why? why you? 7 billion people in the world yet the universe chose you. it's so dumb saying this but i want you to come back. i miss your warmth, how the first thing i saw in the morning was you, your soft touches, the way you brushed my hair with your fingers, your smile, everything." he let out a choked sob, finally at his limit as he sobbed in his hands. 

he looked back up, "my therapist said to do this, apparently it's therapeutic but i think it brings back the pain. i want you to come back in my arms so much but you can't. i hate you for leaving but i don't. it was never your fault in the first place so why am i feeling hatred? is it just me going crazy? yeah, maybe that's it. oh, your friends? they all seem fine but i know they're still hurting. kun hurt the most after me, he felt like a failure because you couldn't protect you from what you had. but... it was last minute. you didn't know either. i still remember the sobs you let out while i stood there shocked after hearing the news. do you miss me like how i miss you? you were so clingy, always calling and texting me even if i went out for a bit. look who's clingy now. i should let you rest but you wouldn't want that, would you? you never liked it whenever i left you alone, always trying to get my attention, it was so cute baby."

hendery swallowed the lump in his throat, the pain coming from it going away but still there. it was always there.

"you're probably calling me crazy right now, remember how you always did that when i was thinking the worse? it helped me a lot, sorry i didn't show it enough. i wanna feel your warmth so much, it was like a siren song, always helping me by soothing and calming me down. i need it right now. i want to see you again so badly. i'm in so much pain, jun. i don't think i'll be able to love again, not that i want to. you're the only one for me, i always meant it whenever i said it. sometimes i wish it was me instead but i know i couldn't do that, i would never want you to suffer over me. i hated seeing you cry, angels don't cry anyway. an angel is what you are. you were a gift and i will cherish it forever. i hate how we couldn't grow old together." he gulped.

"every day, i feel hatred growing into me. your health... it was declining so fast. i couldn't help but cry and only stand there in shock but yet you still put me first as if you weren't the one suffering, you still managed to wear a smile on your face. that beautiful smile of yours, i miss it so much. i keep rambling about the same topics but i can't help but just miss you. xiao dejun, you are the love of my life. i love you." 

brushing his hair out of his eyes, he took a deep breath before looking at the stone in front of him.

_in loving memory, xiao dejun_ engraved in it along with the dates he was born and lost his life. hendery had a small but fond smile on his face, "i love you so much." he whispered before breaking down into tears again, hugging himself in comfort. it still hurt to see even after months, more and more flowers decorating from past visitors. hendery took one more look at the gravestone before placing xiaojun's promise ring on the platform. "i promise."

[twitter](https://twitter.com/trembleseos?s=20)

**Author's Note:**

> pain.


End file.
